


This is your life

by gutterfortunecookie



Series: Deora Ar Mo Chroi [2]
Category: Loki - Fandom
Genre: Angst, F/M, Jealousy, Making Up, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Oral Sex, Secrets, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-20
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-18 18:44:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3579987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gutterfortunecookie/pseuds/gutterfortunecookie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tasya faces personal consequences as she adjusts to life in Asgard with Loki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Crash and burn

**Author's Note:**

> Crash and burn  
> -Savage Garden

Sunlight fills the room when I wake. I sit up covering my naked self with the sheet. The buttons and the vase pieces are gone. Loki is gone too. Next to me, folded neatly, was the green tunic we both wore. I shift awkwardly off the bed and walk to the wordrobe, looking through the clothes. No pants, only dresses and gowns. Undergarments line one drawer while a small cubby hides away diamonds and silver jewelry.

 _A few things_ my ass. I dress in something blue, catching my reflection in a mirror across the room. On my neck is a large lovemark the same color as the walls. The dress barely covers any of the teeth or nail marks on my shoulders. I try to push my hair to the side, covering most of the mark,s blending them into my brown hair. The cut on my lip is mysteriously gone. How was that possible? I step into a flat pair of shoes and look at myself. Almost pretty, but what was I suppose to do?

I open the door to my room, peering out into the hall. On the floor in front of the door is a folded piece of paper as I open it finding a map. The large map is intensely detailed in the center. A blue "X" sits in a square. Underneath it says " _You are here_ ". A black line is drawn down three halls stopping at another square. A green "X" sits in the middle.

On the borders of the page are other places in the palace. _Garden, Dungeons, Training area, Banquet Hall._ My eyes find the word " _Library_." I was hungry from the night before but needed a quiet place to be by myself. This was still a lot to process.

I walk the halls alone, seeing other people come and go with guards spread throughout. I finally find the entrance of the library. The door creaks open as my sight washes over the shelves and shelves of books towering high almost to the ceiling. Silence echoes the walls. The spines feel so old. I wonder the rows picking one with a lilac cover. On the inside are letters or numbers I don't understand. I replace it taking a light green book. Inside are pictures of landscapes, all detailed to the edge of the pages. The creaking door pierces the library as I put it back.

"Hello?" No answer. Goosebumps covered my arms, there's someone else here. I could feel eyes watching me from somewhere in the halls of books. A pair of arms take hold of me from behind. I quickly push us backwards as our bodies crash to the floor. The arms let go of me as I grab a chair, ready to swing.

"Stop", cries Loki, laughing uncontrollably on the floor. He pushes himself off a bookcase to stand unright. "I've been looking for you. I must say, you look quite _ravishing_ this evening."

"Don't do that!" I slap his arm, dropping the chair on its legs. "Yeah, thank you. I would have been fine in pants."

"Since you have agreed to be mine, I feel I should dress you as I see fit. Those garments you wear do you no justice. You would be _fine_ in nothing," he says grabbing my waist. He picks me up, placing me on a wooden table like I weighed nothing.

"Maybe I'll just take your pants until I find my own pair," I say crossing my arms. I had forgotten to check the bathroom for my clothes. No doubt they would have been gone by now.

"Maybe I'll have you scream my name, filling this silence." He smiles sitting in my chair, pulling me to the edge. His lip tease my neck. The side of the dress moves up my legs as Loki's hands travel to my exposed waist. "Are you feeling better, pet?"

"Much better, thank you." A growl barrels from my stomach.

"Maybe later. Come. It's practically been a day and you have been asleep for a while now." Damn, so close. I follow Loki out of the library. I pay more attention to the majesty of the halls, this time bumping into him when he stops. "We're here," he says.

"Where?"

"Dinner. There are a few people that want to meet you." I look down to my map, confused. He takes it from me folding it into his pants.

"Um, that's mine."

"I was the one who made it."

"Fine. So who are "you" really? Where are we?"

"Asgard. Far away from what you call home. As I said before, I am a God." God. okay.

"Of?"

"Lies. Chaos. Mischief."

"It suits you... What happened to my lip? I remember it cut and stinging like a bitch."

"I healed it. From now on, any delicious marks on your skin are to made by me." I pull my sleeves up covering the scratches and fix my hair down. We enter a glorious room, around the walls are stunning men and woman chatting, drinking away. Servants stand still at the walls with trays of wine. A long table stood in the middle filled with food. My stomach roared but I wasn't hungry. Loki goes off to talk with a taller, heavily built blond man as I stand alone. I catch the eyes of a few other ladies, I can tell they're laughing at me. I could always tell when people laughed. Loki returns to me, putting his arm around my shoulder to move my sleeve dangerously low.

"You should be proud, my pet, to show the whole of Asgard that you belong to me. Now show me that delicious neck of yours, and I shall mark you as mine again." Shit, I think I agreed to be his girlfriend.

"Don't call me _pet_."

He shows me to the table piling with elegant food. "Help yourself, you'll need it," he whispers with a quick wink.

He kisses me on the cheek. I snatch the map from his pocket, hiding it under the chest plate of the dress when he turns for a seat. My plate only has a slice of meat and some fruit. All the guests sit around the table filling their plates. I'm amazed of the appitite of everyone. I take a seat next to Loki. No one looks in my direction with the exception of Loki and one man at the far end of the table. He sat between an impossibly large man and a younger, leaner man. His black hair was tied high up in a knot and his silver armor shown in the candlelight. He raises his wine in my direction as a hello. I blush and look away instead. I pick at my fruit until the blond man opens his mouth.

"So now Brother! Who is this fetching young delicacy you've brought to our table? Is she for dessert?" Was he talking about me?

"She is reserved I'm afraid, Thor. This is the Midgardian. Her name is Tasya." Everyone stops conversation and stares in my direction. Yep, he was talking about me.

"Well now, that is quite a beautiful name for a beautiful young woman."

I smile blushing. "Thank you. It's Greek."

Other questions floated around the table near us. _How did you get here? Do you have a sister? Are you an angel?_ All of them were things I wasn't sure how to answer. Loki sits at my side, enjoying the expressions on my face.

"So what did you do on Midgard," asks another man.

"I looked after children and danced prefessionaly. Uh, on a stage." A few girls laughed and whispered to each other, again at me. "But more than that, I write about things I dream about." Loki smiles in my direction. We hadn't talked in depth and as I was now under his care, he would want to know more about me.

"That's not very decent living for a lady," says a lady with blond hair. "Do you plan on making an honest man out of Loki?"

 

"I guess you can never be so sure with "The God of Mischief"; and I'm not really a lady. I only look like one."

"Yes, Darling. We can tell," she says finishing her wine. Her eyes fix to the marks on my bare shoulder. My face burns in embrassment as everyone goes back to their conversations. I was a simple joke to them, staring at my plate with the little bit of food I hadn't touched. Loki says nothing and reaches for my hand as I take it away and get up to leave; my departure invisible to everyone in the room, besides Loki and the sliver armored man.

I didn't want to talk to Loki or anyone else. I didn't think of the consequences of staying here. In Asgard.

The way back to my room is almost familiar but I don't want to go in. I look in my dress but I can't find the map anywhere. It must have fallen out when I left. I bang my head on the door trying to remember.

"Fuck, great job, Tas."

Now I wouldn't find the library or anywhere else on the map for not studying it enough but there was the green X. The black line from the paper runs through my head as I follow it. On the map there was only one door in the hall. I stood before a beautifully carved door. This was the green X's spot. I open the door and look in. The room was dark as I move around to the window glass doors.

They push open letting in more moonlight. A hawk rests on a wooded edge of the balcony. It turns its head to the side, almost like its sizing me up. Something is craved into the wood.

" _Artilous_. Huh, hello Artilous."

I rest in an arm chair in the dark enjoying the view as Artilous flies away into the night. The cream color fabric is soft on my skin. The hairs stick up on the back of my neck like they did in the library.

"Did I just agree to be your girlfriend? Not that I'm complaining but I don't think I'm down with that right now." Candles light up across the room. I stay in place, unsurprised at the theatrics. Loki pulls the chair around to face him. He wears only his slacks, something I enjoy seeing. I look around understanding where I am. His bedroom. A bit bigger than mine. "It's nice to see everyone's so friendly here, like home."

He pulls out a folded napkin, placing it on my lap. Inside was the fruit from my plate, I was a bit hungry. He rests on the side of the chair and picks up a grape offering it to me.

"This was all your decision, pet. You made a promise."

"I'm starting to think this wasn't thought out through." He takes it away when I reach for it. I smile when he tries to feed me. "Please, don't do that. I'm not an invalid." He holds the grape waiting, I accept it without any arguement.

"I also made a promise to care for you, in the way that I seem fit so you may as well open." Juice falls down his fingers nearly tempting me to lick it away. The last fruit leaves juice dripping on his fingers. My lips wrap around his fingers sucking them clean as I hear him moan. He pulls his fingers from my lips. I cover them, feeling slightly embrassed and fully aroused. I had to stop fighting this.

"I've always been alone, having to take care of others so I'm not used to this, what you've done for me. Thank you, Loki." He pulls me from the chair, sitting in my place with his hand around my waist again. I sit on his lap, letting him hold me.

"Go ahead and show me your thanks, my minx," calling me that on purpose. His hand grabs under my side, playing with the dress as it collects in his fingers, kissing me slowly. There is more time to savor his lips. I tasted his wine teasing my tounge. His teeth find my bottom lip, slowly pulling at my need to take him. I turn myself on his lap, nipping at his neck the way he did with me. Things were happening fairly quick but I didn't care. I only held onto him for dear life.

His nails lightly drag on my back as I try to mark him. His hand disappears under my dress, rubbing my wet panties deep with his curled fingers as I whimper.

"My, my. Look how wet you are for me, my little pet. Is it my voice? My touch? Tell me, what makes you so aroused for my attention?" I take his mouth, tounge and all, again as I move my hips onto his hand using the balance of the chair to my advantage. He wanted thanks, so this time I push his hand away finding the opening of his pants.

Show him. My watering mouth works on the smooth skin of his neck as my hand grabs him. I pull his pants down a bit to free his hardness. To show him.

"Close your eyes," I whisper in his ear, "and don't peak." I don't look to see as I move down to him, my lips kissing his tense muscles. Nothing I was going to do would be enough to show him how grateful I really was. But this would be the start.

I smile at the sight of him, licking the tip of him slowly and watching as he twitches. His moves against my tounge as it sweeps his head, extending down the length of his shaft. His muscles tense with anticipation. I wanted him to feel the burning want of him come from me. I don't waste time taking him into my mouth. The flavor sweet on my lips.

My god, Loki...

He tasted savory, making me suck him harder. His moans pushed me deeper to hear his velvet voice. His fingers clutched my hair as I moved faster. My hands pull his hips down, claiming him as mine. I made sure he heard my moans as I sucked him away.

_You are mine Loki. Be mine like I am yours._

I feel my own urge flood between my open legs but I had to wait. It would be rude if I stopped now and I wanted more. He tries speaking through his excited sighs.

"Wait..." No. It wasn't going to be that easy. His fingers contest my oral fix on him as he quickly pulled me away. I teeter on my side as I watch him. His hands had clutched the beige fabric of the chair tightly. His chest regaining control of his breath. Starving eyes fixed on me.

He rushes me, taking me to his bed, tossing me to my back. His grip pulls my dress off in one try as he shows my undergarments no mercy, tearing them off. When he said God, I didn't know how strong he really was. I see he's hard and hestitating to take me. I bring up my knees, offering myself to him.

"Look at you, my pet, laying there with your legs already spread wide for me. Always ready for your master. Let me show you how I reward such obedience." Master. I liked the sound of that.

"Show me, Master. Please?" He enters me with no haste. His length burns inside as my walls hold on tight to him. The hard feel of him rattles every nerve in my body. My legs wrap around him. No pain this time as I accept every push and pull of his hungry body. "Fuck..." His hand clutches at the sheets next to my head. His nails dig into my side, making me scream. My own dig further into his back and down his arms. Tears roll down not from pain but the building pleasure. I shout his name as I come, tremoring as he keeps going and I take hold of his arms to ride out my orgasms. I lean up, sinking my teeth into his shoulder, masking my screams. He comes as a deep growl escapes his throat. The hot skin of his body falls beside mine. He sweeps me onto his chest as I listen to the air pass in his lungs and his heartbeat thunder underneath.

"Well, well, aren't you giving."

"Just as are you, your highness."

My eyes are heavy and I drift away under his touch of his fingertips caressing my back. By now, I would have smelt the burning of Earl's Marbros as he refused to open the windows. His sweat would make me sick as I rolled to my side.

Loki's skin smelled fresh and earthy. It nearly took everything in me not to lick him. His fingers drifted to my face as he pushed the hair from my closed eyes. I had never been so scared of waking up but if last night wasn't a dream then there was no way this wasn't real either.

The kiss to the top of my head finally cleared all of my worry.

 


	2. Different

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Different  
> -Ximena Sarinana

 

His scent wakes me up in the dawn. I know Loki is sleeping behind me, his chest against my back. His arm is my pillow, firm enough to rest on. I trace the constillation of fading nail marks on his skin. I don't want to disturb him, moving away to let him rest. He would find me later. He catches me, pulling me back with his hardness at the back of my leg, placing a kiss on the back of my neck.

"Where are you going?" he asks as if he never was asleep.

"I thought you were sleeping."

"No, pet. I was watching you dream." A bit sincere of him. "You seem to still be holding back on me. We'll have to work on that."

"Where would you have me start?" He pulls me onto him, back to chest, letting me lay on him as he turns up, grabbing my hand, making me rub my thigh.

"Touch yourself. Go on. Touch yourself for me. I want to watch you come undone by your own hand before I take you myself." He loosens his hand leaving me to start. I can feel myself blush as I bite my lip.

"I never do. Why do what others could do for you?"

"Very true, but you would deny me this request?"

His arm holds me down, the other reaches for my open womanhood. He strokes me, finding my clit. His steady rub works its way into me as I arch my back. He slows almost stopping. My hand covers his, making him move again. He quickly switches his hand with my mine.

Dirty trickster. I'm surprised at the feel of myself, so soft and wet. He moves my fingers as I moan, grinding on top of his morning hardness as he moans into my ear. There is satisfation in his voice as he hears my own moans. He hisses through his teeth as my hips move faster against my fingers.

"That's it, pet. Let me rule you. Let me hear you moan my name." A knock on the door makes me stop. Loki moves from the bed, covering himself with a robe. "Did I say _stop_ , Tasya?" he asks teasing me. I continue touching myself as he reaches the door. His eyes stay on me as my knees bend to give him a better view. I cover my mouth, careful not to make a noise as I please myself out of view of Loki as he steps into the hall. I pay no attention to who might be behind the door. I stop only to the changed look on his face as he shuts it.

"What?" I ask. He picks up my dress, handing it to me. I dress without my torn panties, waiting for an answer as he ruffles through his clothes.

"I have to go, but I won't be long." He pulls his map out of thin air, pressing it into my fingers. "Please don't lose this again. I don't need you getting lost." He gives me the map, pointing near the bottom. "Here is a garden near the palace gates leading to the Bifrost. Go there now and wait for me. I have something I have to do," he says, giving me a quick kiss. I shake my head, leaving him alone. I read the map carefully, letting it lead me outside. The sun shines bright, exciting every color. I look around for the gate but I find nothing. What the hell was a Bifrost?

"My dear, are you lost?" I look up seeing a smiling woman, hair bright as the sun and the chestplate on her dress. I can tell she is different from everyone.

"I was told to wait at the gates near the Bio-frost? I don't know..." She looks to the map, smiling at the pen marks. She takes my hand without a word, leading me into a tunnel. We step out into a garden covered in flowers. Towering tall are large golden doors as I'm pulled along.

"Here we are," she says, "You must be the Midgardian, my child. I should have known you were beautiful." Did everyone know who I was? At least she was nice.

"Wait, what?"

"Mother!" shouts Loki from behind us. He's dressed in gold armor and wears a long green cape. "Come to see us off?"

Mother?!

"Just helping your new friend. Fight strong, my son."

"As I always do." She leaves us to speak with Odin and Thor. Loki hides me behind a shrubery so only he is seen to everyone. "I'm not going to be gone long, Tasya. I go into battle often." I don't bring it upon myself to ask him where he's going. If he wanted to, he would have already told me. I'm stunned at the look of the sun reflecting off of his armor. For a second, I forgot he was a prince.

"Really? What's your weapon?" He pulls a long polished dagger with the handle bound in black leather. I would have imagined something bigger. "You survived with a pocketknife."

"My dear, you should know firsthand that I'm quite victorious with only eight inches." True. We laugh as he puts it back taking out a black velvet cloth. "I've had someone improve your wardrobe."

"Yeah, you said a few things but I didn't need the crown jewels. I don't wear jewelry anyway."

"We'll have to change that too. Here." I take it opening the folds. There is a small chain necklace with a purple jewel placed in the middle of a silver circle with small diamonds surrounding the jewel. It so stunning, I didn't feel I deserved to wear it. Before I can object, Loki had already fastened the necklace around my neck, closing the cloth in my hand.

"I've charmed it so that I can always see you."

"But you'll need to focus when you're fighting."

"Seeing you will remind me why I need to come back." He takes a blue cloth from his pocket. The fabric is too familiar.

"Ew. Are those my panties?" He ties it around a loop in the pant hiding it away under his belt.

"They are mine now," he smiles, kissing me, "as you are." Behind him rows of warriors line in on horses ready for battle. A servant appears with a horse. Loki climbs up with ease. "Why do I have a feeling I won't have to worry about you?" I shrug. "Promise me you'll take care of yourself while I'm gone."

I climb a stone, standing to his level. "I promise. You'll still worry anyway, your highness." The golden door opens showing the open space of Asgard. Stars spread across the skyline. Starting at the gates is a bridge lit bright. "My God," I say amazed at the setting.

"Only a few days, Minx. Plenty of time for you to practice for when I get back."

I frown, crossing my arms again.

"No. You promised me shackles." I show my wrists in seriousness to him. "No shackles, no show."

He leans to me, holding me with one arm, giving one last deep kiss. My heart races as he holds the kiss, feeling so much passion from his lips. The warriors start riding out. Loki lets go, riding to join other warriors, ready to leave. He looks in my direction, bowing his head as a farewell.

I wave my hand and stick out my tounge to him. The other man from dinner rides beside him as he looks in my direction. Loki smiles, riding off onto the bridge with his cape flying behind him. I hop off the stone to get one look at the bridge before the doors seal shut. I wonder away from the gates.

My eyes stay to the ground as I walk besides servants and guards in the direction of the palace. So many voices slowly die away as they wonder off, unknown to my footsteps. For now, I was alone. Tonight I would also be alone but I couldn't hide forever. The day and evening are spent in my chambers away from the Asgardians. I would see it all tomorrow.

Food is brought to me and carried away when I finish. As the sun sets, I open the wardrobe and smirks to Loki's promise. Most of the dresses were gone. In their places are more modest bits of clothing. Pants, blouses, boots. There are jackets and a thick cloak lines the floor. I lift the cloak finding a bag. It looks new. On the inside is a journal. The multitude of pages are empty. On the inside of the last page was something in green ink.

_For your dreams. -X_

That little trickster. At the bottom was a pair of pants. Why pants? He had given me my own. I feel the leather, holding it close. I smell Loki's scent in the pants. I wasn't serious about that. I step out of the dress to try on the pants, a little loose but otherwise a great fit. I pull on his green tunic, standing in front of the mirror.

The loose fitting clothes give off an illusion in my mind. The gem glows as Loki appears behind me in the mirror. He is dressed in his armor, wrapping his arms around me. I know he's not there but I feel his warmth under the clothes. His fingers run through my hair, tilting my head, showing off his marks on me. I close my eyes, kissing his armor.

"Thank you, Loki."

He grins, disappearing as the light in the gem fades. I lay on my bed, checking the pockets for anymore surprises. There was only a small folded piece of paper.

_My sweet Minx,_

_If you are reading this, then I have already gone into battle. Do not worry for me, I shall be back in your arms, nestled in the warmth between your legs sooner than you expect. Please eat and remember to practice or I'll have to punish you._

_Your Trickster_

I put the paper back into my pocket and stare at the ceiling. I feel myself drift as I rub the gem. Nothing to do now but wait. Wait for the only thing I've ever closely bonded myself with.

"Fight strong, my Prince."

 


	3. Your guardian angel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your guardian angel  
> -Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

*Eight weeks later*

Frigga held her hand over the book, levitating it between us.

"Fear will break your concentration if you are not careful. A simple illusion could save your life in battle."

She been teaching me how to use magic in secret, without permission from Odin, as long as we didn't tell him. Something to keep me from thinking about Loki. She never answered me when I asked her if other humans knew how to do magic. Maybe it was best kept as a secret. I raise my hand, feeling power surge through my fingers as a small knife lifts up, turning the pages steadily with the blade. I nick the side of one of the pages.

"Shit," I curse under my breath.

"Your emotions must stay in control. Magic is not a toy, for there are certain spells that can not be undone." Frigga lets the book go, leaving me to slowly back the book down, setting the knife on top.

"Very good, my dear. You are progressing quickly. Perhaps we should start on simple mind illusions next or would you prefer combat defenses?"

"I'll take anything you have, your highness."

"Good. Take the stiletto with you, as a gift. We'll start training next time and you can call me Frigga." Frigga leaves first as I seathe the stiletto, hiding it under my dress. I consider wondering the garden but ceratin people were there that didn't approve of me being "The prince's personal whore". I desperately needed sun and fresh air instead of cooping myself up in the palace. My head hurt trying to decide. I leave the small chambers, taking myself to Loki's room only to rest in his bed.

He had said a few days, it was ending two months now. I thought about him every single day and I missed him terribly. All the not worrying made my stomach ache. There was no amount of books, or lessons to keep him from my mind. A nap before supper would ease me a bit. I lay back into his sheets as my head buries it's thoughts in his green pillows.

_On the field are corpses. A sea of white creatures with dark blood cover the dirt. Everywhere you stepped was blood. Warriors slaughtering monsters across the plain. Mighty roars accend from the trees. Loki rides with Thor and Odin down into the carnage. One by one the creatures fall to the ground. As the last one dies, the Asgardians shout victoriously. Loki turns, staring at my image, winking to me. Everything was okay until one of the creatures stood to his feet behind Loki's horse. I lift a sharp boulder with my powers, sending it through the creature's eyes. It's dead body falls on top of Loki._

"No!" I scream waking. The room is dark with the sun setting. Sweat covers my brow and my heart is in my throat as I raise the light of the room. The gem stays dark as it has for a few days now. It hangs cold around my neck, tucked away into my dress. My stomach thunders as I make my way to the dining hall. My appetite grows each day as I try to fill my stomach. I told myself I wouldn't worry but my food wouldn't go down as easy. At the table of guests, food only sates part of my hunger. My body was getting weak and the climate of Asgard may have been effecting me. Frigga smiles across the table to me. I wonder how she feels when Odin is away from her. A guard enters the hall.

"My lady, they have returned."

Frigga's face fills with joy as does everyone else at the table. In moments, warriors fill the room with cheers as I climb my chair in the sea of Asgardians, my eyes trying to find Loki. I see Thor on the other side of the dining table, deep in wine with his hammer in the air. Odin embraces Frigga warmly. I give up my search, finishing my own cup of wine. I leave the hall as the gem shines bright against my skin.

He was here.

I carry the bottom of my dress in my arms as my boots carry me to his room as fast as they can.

"Loki!" The door opens to his lit room. He's not there. I check the washroom and the balcony seeing nothing but Artilous. "Where is he?" Artilous chips as he flies off.

He was either in my room or back in the dining hall. I push my own doors open, nearly crashing into my bed; it's empty as well. I yank off my dress, leaving my undershirt and slacks in place. It was growing annoying to wear the clothes I wanted under the dresses to fit in. I turn in frustration as Loki enters my room, removing the last of his armor.

"Hello, Tasya." My chest drops to the floor and my stomach barrels on the inside. I was only with him for three days and the last two months made everything in me ache for him as he stood there covered in dirt. "What's the matter, pet? Cat's got your tongue? I'd be glad to help you find it." I say nothing, running full force and jumping onto him with a welcoming kiss, wrapping my legs around him. He catches me with one hand holding me tight. I'm quick to find his tounge collide with mine. My mouth tingles, missing the feel of his lips. "Good," he says patting my backside, "You've been eating and your hair's gotten long too, but my mark on you neck is gone. I guess I'll have to fix that."

He takes my lips again, gripping the cheeks of my pants, carrying me to the chair to fall into the cushion. My hands are busy pulling at his clothes.

"So eager, my pet. Have you been practicing?" he asks smiling. I pull myself away to take off my blouse. My boots slide off with ease. I turn his chair to the washroom.

"I'm sorry, your highness. No shackles, no show," I remind. I back into the washroom as I wave my hand, unbuttoning his shirt with the magic Frigga taught me, leaving surprise on his face. I bring a finger to my lips and wink. "You've been gone for a while." I stand near the edge of the tub filling it with water. Loki stands in front of me, clothes gone. There is black blood and dirt across his arms and chest. "Get in."

He ignores my command to undo my pants instead, pushing himself against me as he presses his lips to mine, releasing a small moan.

"I should punish you for not practicing but I am a man of my word. Mm... I've missed you, woman. You don't even know." He sits in the bathwater, waiting for me. I sit on the edge with a clean cloth. "No, join me," he insists, pulling me into the bath with my pants still on. I squeal as I wipe the water from my face.

"Wet does look good on you, Minx."

I sit on top of him, wiping his face clean with the cloth. Those eyes pierce me as I work my way down. His skin gets clean as he stays content. I wait for him to stop me when the cloth makes it to his lap.

"Should I continue, your highness?" Before I can go farther, he peels my pants off, dropping them on the floor. He takes the cloth from me, turning me to the edge. The cloth runs over my body, warm water rushes down my back as he washes me. I moan when the cloth rubs my core. He pulls my hair back to hear his voice.

"I thought about you every day and night, girl. The scent of you wasn't enough for me." His tongue flicks over the outside of my ear. He keeps rubbing me, dropping the cloth. I whine softly as his fingers tease my walls. "All day I have thought of nothing else but the feel of your skin, your sweet taste on my tounge and the rapture of your sex welcoming me home. The good to you not practicing is your tightness remaining the same."

He leans forward bending me at the hips. My knees spread apart in the water when he removes his fingers. I brace the sides as Loki enters me from behind. He is slow, taking his time with his pushes into me. He finds a normal pace, holding onto my hips. The water in the tub turns to waves crashing onto our skin.

Our voices echo the room over the thrashing water hitting the floor of the washroom. Loki takes hold of my neck softly, turning me with my back to the edge. My legs press to the side of the tub as he continues. My head falls back into the air, pleasure pulses through me. The feeling of release is near. My voice rings high off the ceiling as Loki thrusts harder. He stops only to lift me out of the tub and into my bed. My voice becomes hoarse when he pierces me again. I clench him, waiting. We had lost time to make up for.

"Don't worry, love, let go. I'll guide you back to reality when it's time."

 

We don't sleep. Only fucking and resting in each others arms. He doesn't talk about where he went or how many things he killed. We stay in my bed far after the sun rises.

"I dreamt about you last night before you came back. There were dead things everywhere. One of the almost killed you." I kiss his stomach. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling, fingers running through my hair.

"Did I survive?"

"I don't know. Frigga just taught me levitation. I sent a rock through its head but it fell crushing you." I felt tears run from my eyes. "I was distracting you and it almost got you killed. It was a dream but would've been all my fault." Loki pulled me up to him, my face in his hands, wiping away the tears.

"Then you're the one I should be thanking. I saw you in the necklace but I didn't know you were using magic. It must have pulled you through the gem. You don't realize you saved my life." So it was real, he almost died and I had saved him. Relief stung my stomach. He dressed, leaving me to rest. I stay on my side, he kneels by the side of the bed, watching me for a few more minutes.

"You can't tell your father about me knowing magic. I already promised your mother I wouldn't tell anyone."

"You have my word. Perhaps this makes you my guardian angel."

I close my eyes smiling, remembering the mischivous joy in his face. I never thought I could miss someone so much. I stay in my room the rest of the day, away from everyone. The soreness between my legs keeps me company until there is a knock on my door.

I open to find a girl around my age holding a bundle of cloth in her arms. I already knew where it came from.

"Please tell Loki I don't want it."

"My lady, this is from the Queen."

"The Queen? Why? What is it?" The girl enters my room laying the cloth on the bed. She unfolds it revealing a cream colored, floor length dress.

"It's for the festivities tonight, my lady." I was obvisously missing something. "Celebration for the warrior's victorious return from battle. It is also the Queen's birthday." Frigga didn't tell me. I had to get out of my room more. Maybe this would be chance to branch out. "Her majesty also wanted me to help you prepare."

"That's good. I've never worn a real dress before. I wouldn't know the first thing to put on." The girl takes my hand excitedly, pulling me to the wardrobe.


	4. Secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Secrets  
> -OneRepublic

She started to tear in front of the mirror. The lovely goddess, so beautiful staring at her reflection. She is quick to catch the tears before they ruin the make-up. She stood still, almost ashamed to wear the stunning dress picked out for her. She was perfect and she was me. This must have been how Loki saw me.

The young girl was more than happy to choose everything down to the last detail. The way her fingers worked into my hair pinning up my curls with hair pins. The make-up brushed on dark and golden across my eyes. She even covers my scratches with powder. I chain the necklace around my wrist knowing to tease off my neck to him. The girl leaves the room as I switch the panties under my slip. Something thunders at my door.

"Who is it?"

I open the door seeing a different young woman.

"Ma'am," she says bowing, "I have a messege from the Prince. He wants you to meet him in front of the Great Hall as soon as possible." She leaves in a haste without ever looking me in the eyes. I leave as well, closing the door behind me and walk the halls, hoping I wasn't keeping Loki. Beautiful people already lined the halls and music poured from the Great Hall. I see Thor is alone on the staircase behind me. His armor is shined to perfection as he leans on the railing.

"Good evening, Thor. Welcome back."

"My Gods, Tasya, I would have mistaken you for an Asgardian. How are you this fair evening?"

"I'm fine. Only waiting right now. Loki told me to wait here."

"You just missed him. He is in there," pointing to the doors at the bottom of the stairs. I follow the stairs, making my way into an empty hall.

"Loki?"

"He is not here I'm afraid. Thank you for coming," says Thor closing the door behind him. The girl said "The Prince" but she didn't say which one.

"What do you want, Thor?" Something was strange with his face as he walks to me with steady speed. The look in his eyes reveal this ending only one way. He tries to take me into his arms. I slip away, swiftly bringing my knee high into his privates, hurting him for a second. "Still planning on finishing me for dessert?" He moans, hitting the floor. "Oh, stop crying..."

"You really do have my brother under a spell don't you, Earth vixen. Why did you pick him? You could have easily been mine."

"Why do you care? You could have any one of those ditzes upstairs if you wanted."

He grabs my ankle tightly. "Yet here I am." I swing my other leg around kicking him square in the face with my heel. His head hits the cold floor, letting me go. I kneel on his arm as I press an openly, sharp hair pin to his throat.

"You obviously don't know what kind of person I am. I know how you all laugh at me behind my back, calling me a stupid little mortal whore! You don't even understand, I could tear you to shreads. I would tell your brother about this but I know better that if you ever try any dumb shit like this again, despite being a Prince _or_ a God, I will push this pin into your head as many times as it takes to get through your thick skull that you don't get to have me. Ever!"

"Good," he says disappearing under me. Loki steps forward from behind a pillar. I get to my feet ready to tear the skin from his face. "I'm sorry but I had to know."

"What? That I didn't want to fuck your brother? Are you fucking kidding me?"

"That's not what I meant. I had to see you defend yourself. I understand if you're angry." Now I'm in his face.

"I'm beyond angry, I'm pissed. Don't you ever test me like that again!" His face changes as he steps forward.

"You forget who you are talking to. Don't forget that you are mine and you will never use that tone of voice with me!"

"No, asshole!" I have him pressed against a pillar. "If you get to do whatever your jealous ass wants to me behind my back, I'll raise my voice to you. AS HIGH AS I FUCKING WISH!" My voice rings out as I back away, catching my breath. I calm down putting the pin back into my hair. He grins, staring at the floor. His suit showed off the slimness of his body, his pants seemed a bit tight, too. Now that I was done tearing him a new one, I really wanted to ride him on the floor.

"I'm sorry. Would it help to say I want to ravage you right now? I agree that while your gown is indeed lovely, it will be far more pleasing once it is pooled at your waist as I take you like the fiend you know me to be."

"Shut up, Loki. You're still a prince and your silvertongue isn't gonna work on me." I storm out without looking back. I couldn't be mad at him. He didn't mean any harm, he was close by if anything had happened. I return to the door, dropping my hip, giving a senual pose in the doorway. "You coming? This is yours and your mother's party. If you behave, I may just forgive you." He makes his way out the door as de-ja-vu washes over me. I grab him by the back of the hair, pushing his body into the door. I didn't care if anyone was watching. I take his lips as he pulls me up by the hips. He takes me back into the hall as I will the door shut. He sets me on the floor, pulling up my dress frantically.

"For all your boldness, I have but to dip my head between these thighs of yours to set you aflame. But you seem to think this position implies my submission... Oh, my sweet, you're in for a lesson tonight." My thighs wrap around him, sending him to his back as I sit on his chest. I know he can smell my arousal, I have him right where I want him. He wanted me to fight, he got his wish. I get to my feet and out of his reach.

"Keep telling yourself that, Love. Maybe I'll take a parnter tonight and make you watch as punishment." He admits defeat, standing at the doorway.

"What makes you think I'd let you take a man?"

"What makes you think it'll be a man?" I leave first as he looks in surprise. "Don't look at me like that..." His hand playfully strikes my backside and his arms scoop me up the stairs in our laughter.

"Be careful, I may just marry you," he says as we enter the Great Hall.

"Is that suppose to scare me?" I break away from Loki to mingle, which is easier than I thought. A sea of men surround me as I find the wine. All compliment my dress and ask for a dance. It almost pains me to turn them down but it felt powerful turning them away. A rather large warrior approaches me with two other men and a woman. The Warriors Three and Lady Sif are much more built than I remember.

"So we've heard of your skills. Extraordinary qualities for a maidan warrior in battle," says Fandral.

"It was actually more of an accident, really."

"One hell of an accident or we would have been mourning instead of celebrating."

"Are there many women warriors?"

"Just a few strong select of us, none really know magic, like you," says Sif. I didn't really see myself plastered in metal swinging a sword. My magic would only do so much now that it wasn't a secret anymore. I worry to think of how Odin would handle such news.

"If you'd like, I can tutor you," says Fandral, willingly flashing a flirtatious wink. Volstagg argues for the chance as Hogun and Sif stare on. Odin appears with Frigga at his side, both wrapped in magnificent gold.

"I have already choosen Frigga and Sif to tutor her in battle, if she chooses the path for herself." Sif smiles, holding my arm tight. It was decided I would train and fight beside them and Loki. It's hard to believe I could be on the battle field with them. Frigga would enjoy getting me ready as she already had. Would I be ready? They all smiled to me at once and there was so much kindness from them and I wondered why they would accept someone like me.

Odin takes my hand, leading me from the group. "May I have this dance?" I smile, confused at his words. I wasn't scared of him but there was something intimidating about dancing with the All-Father surrounded by his subjects. I had only seen Odin the first night I was here and the day they left for battle. I try not to hold my breath for anything he may say.

"I saw what you did for Loki on the field."

My faces feels like it was flushing red. My jaw set, thinking I would be thrown back into the dungeons for using magic against his wishes. I do my best to give a smile.

"I understand I almost got him killed and I'm sorry."

I'm caught off guard by his low, hearty chuckle.

"You are a swift learner, my dear. At first, I was against Frigga teaching you but she can sense there is something special in you. Yes, you were distracting but Loki at times is a distracted young man. If you weren't there, he probably would be dead right now." I give a small smile and look away. "I remember giving the same necklace to Frigga when I was younger. Are you enjoying your stay in Asgard?"

I brace myself for any ultimatum he would give as king. By now, he probably already knew how I was spending my time with Loki.

"I'm adjusting," lie, "but slower than I'd like. I wake up a lot thinking I'll be died on the concrete floor back on earth."

He nods his head.

"I only intended to keep you in the dungeons for a few days, then send you on your way, back to Midgard. Now it seems things are changing and we must all make difficult choices. I understand that it wasn't your choice to come here but I'd like to give you a chance to start over."

"How so, your highness?"

"I don't want you to feel like I'm keeping you here against your will. You can leave any time you want, to go back to your planet but if you'd like, you can remain here in Asgard. With extensive training, you could become an exceptional warrior but consider very carefully, my dear, it won't be an easy task. Frigga and Loki are certain that you are ready for something like this but in the end, the choice is ultimately yours. I'll give you time to think it over. Lastly, you do very well when keeping things to yourself but I see the way you look to Loki. I may not so fond of what might be taking place between the two of you but you are changing him for the better. One day you'll know why he is destined for glorious things."

Hogun stops us, bowing to Odin. Odin bows in return leaving us on the floor.

"I didn't think 'Hogun the Heroic' danced."

He smiles with his eyes leading me across the floor.

"I don't Tasya, but I'd like to savor this moment, if you please. It is pleasant to finally meet you." I'm not sure how Loki would have felt about Hogun being so close to me. His hand on my waist, body close to mine as we spun. Hogun was an exceptional warrior from what I heard. Hogun the Heroic wasn't Asgardian as he was from a different realm called Vanaheim and was a fierce warrior. I remember him from dinner the night before the warriors left. I had a feeling he was amoung the last that were holding things from me.

"Hogun, is there something that I should know. I'm not sure I can handle anymore surprises tonight." He moves us faster into the other dancing couples, concealing us from Loki's eyes as he stands with Thor.

"No. I don't think there is anything. Like how you keep to yourself too much just as you did that night at dinner. Perhaps I shouldn't tell you how Frigga never stops talking about the wonderous potential you carry or Odin feels that you are the best thing to happen to Loki but I will tell you this. Should Loki ever discard of you or shatter your heart, as I've seen before, I will be there, waiting for you."

"Wait. What now?"

"Tasya, I won't speak of this again after tonight unless you wish to. You think so little of yourself when really any man here would want the chance to be in Loki's place as he puts his arms around you at night. I would know." My eyes dart around, feeling them all on me.

"Then what will you do if I choose to marry him? No one is perfect but I do favor Loki a bit. I agreed to be his, just not in that way yet." Yet? I felt like I was flooring this guy with no mercy but it had to be done. Loki didn't seem like the jealous type but I didn't want to come in the way of his companions. The room seems to fade away as I keep my eyes away from Hogun.

"Then it shall be my greatest defeat and I shall fight strong beside the Princess in battle, never to step in the way of her happiness. Whatever the lady may choose."

"Thank you, Hogun." We stop at the edge of the crowd, making our way back to the group. "Happy birthday, Your Majesty."

"Thank you Tasya. Loki says you've prepared something for us. A dance."

"Yes," says Loki slipping his hand around my waist, "She's put together a dance for you from her profession on Midgard."

"How exciting," says Frigga. Everyone's face lights up as people make way to clear the floor. Loki was schemeing payback.

"You are such a cock. Stop smiling, I haven't danced in weeks and the dress is a bit constricting _for my profession on Midgard_."

"I'm rather delighted from the idea of you dancing. Would you like my help, pet?"

"In need you illusions. Follow everything I say. I have a costume, a song, partner, everything in my mind. They have to it or it won't work. Don't make me look like a fool, please.

"I won't dare to, Love. You do seem to work fast."

He waves his hand giving the illusions I need. Dark knee lenght slip, black tights, and heels. He enjoys my change of clothes, eyeing my torso. My partner is ordinary only because I knew the male steps. We move to the middle of the floor. It felt like every eye on the planet was now on me. Shit. Two can play this game, sneaky bastard.

"Your Majesty, from Midgard and myself, Happy Birthday."

The illusion takes my hand as the music starts. My heart pounds when I forget most of the steps. I start improvising which is no problem so mixing whatever I know would have to work. My legs kick higher. The feel of dancing after weeks was freeing. I had no limits my feral arms swung, my body spun under the illusions arms. My partner's strength proved well catching my sudden movements. The hem of the dress tried to keep up with my moving body. In the midst of it all I started mouthing the words under my loose hair. The song flew off the walls carrying me across the floor. Everyone that doubted me, laughed at me was now gasping as I twirled on the tip of my toes. I was showing them things unseen by their Godly eyes. Something human. Loki showed aloofness broken with a smile. No more doubts as my partner pulls me close, spinning me loose. My hair swings wild, my feet refuse to stay still. He catches me again letting my body flip in the air. I meet all the eyes of Asgard, showing them the fire on the floor, the force to be reckoned with. The song slows to the end as illusion's arms embrace me.

The music is gone and applause thunders the hall for me. Frigga wraps her arms around me, thanking me. Everyone countinues on, leaving the illusion to disappear along with the costume. 

"Why do you still surprise me, Tasya?" I find Loki standing next to me. My heart was still pounding in my chest. "I find myself speechless to you." My mouth stays closed as Thor approaches.

"My Gods, brother, if you do not marry her then I certainly will." I remember the hall. I was finding it hard to look at Thor. Loki shoots his eyes up to Thor, claiming me as his, maybe he was the jealous type.

"No, thank you, Thor, but that means a lot." I turn to Loki, still seeing him slightly jealous. I stand close making sure he's the only one who can hear me. "I'm still mad at you. You have twenty minutes." I back out of the hall. Adrenaline rushes my veins hot. Questions had to be answered. I did the math. I was on Asgard but a few months and in Loki's arms for less than a week. We spent our time being naked instead of being honest and now it was starting to bother me.

Then there was Hogan. A friend to Loki but willing to take his place for me. This was all getting to be too much. He wasn't going to speak about it, so I wasn't going to dwell on it.

I take myself to Loki's room, raiding the wardrobe for his tightest clothes. If we were going to have a decent conversation then I would have to do what Odin thought I did best and distract him, but I'd have to make sure I stayed clothed for it to work. Artilous sat on the edge of Loki's writing desk, eyeing my movements.

"Sorry, Artilous, I just need to borrow these from your daddy." I return to my room putting a barrier around the door so I'm not disturbed. His shirt and pant fit me and I'm able to tighten my corset on the outside of the shirt, letting my chest lift under the fabric. I let my hair down, lowering the lights in the room. I lift the barrier around the room. My wanting body waits for Loki in the darkness as I sit on my vanity. Already I can feel myself wet against the leather of the pants. The door handle turns, as I see his silhouette enter my room.

"Tasya, are you here?"

I lean back, cross my legs and watch. He lifts his hand to fix the lights. I beat him to it, seeing him turn to my figure.

"Gotcha, Trickster."

"Well, I guess you've caught me, haven't you?" The jealousy is gone from his eyes as I feel them feast on the sight of my body. I hop off the vanity, slinking my way to him. He frees himself of his dress shirts. His chest inhales deeply as I feel him, letting my hands wonder freely over him. "I would venture to say that you look even more attractive in men's clothing. But for now I would prefer to see you in none."

"I'm sure you would. First, we need to talk. This is just to move the conversation faster," I giggle.

"Do we?" He takes my hand into his, leading me to dance. His fingers play loosening the strings on my corset, trailing up my spine through the shirt. He probably had years of practice of undressing woman in record time so I take a breath and search for my words.

"What are we to each other?"

"I'm not sure. We _could_ be whatever you like."

"It's not that simple, Loki. I promised to stay here. What'll happen when I get older and die? If anything I've got 50 years left."

"I'm sure we'll make due."

"Your father wants me to train. I'm not Asgardian, I'm not going to survive in battle. It seems he wants the best. I'm not used to it."

"Wouldn't your own father give the best for you?"

"My mother died giving birth to me. The only thing Arthur Donald did for me was leave me on his loving sister's doorstep five blocks from the hospital after I was born. He left without a word. He doesn't get to be a father. I have no parents, I wasn't lying when I told you I had no one else. Do you really think I'll survive out there?"

I tried not to sound so bitter but it wouldn't stop.

"After today, I think you've more than proved yourself." I turn pushing in my back side to him, hearing him moan as I gyrate closer. I wanted so badly to cry but his hands, ugh. His damn hands were everywhere, making me want him. They disappear under the shirt and corset, holding my chest as his thumbs flicked over my hardened flesh. He was going too slow on purpose and I wanted him now.

"Really?" Each of my fingers grip around him. "How about now?" His teeth want to dig hard into my shoulder. He lets go of me, whipping the shirt and corset over my head leaving my chest bare as my hair scatters over my shoulder. He holds me from behind pulling my hair back as he devours my neck with no kindness. His other hand doesn't wait as it presses to me, his fingers sanding into the cloth that covered my sex, leaving a delicious friction of pressure. I arch under his hold. I rub him through his pants. His suction on my neck stops long enough to take a breath.

"Do you see that wall, minx? The bare space between your drawers and the door? If you touch my person again, I will take you against that wall, right here, and I will not give you leave to rest. This is my sworn oath to you, you brazen woman. I will not stop until I am _thoroughly_ finished, and I will take you standing up. Take the deal or leave it, woman."

Excitement rushes me, dying to spur him on. I spin out of his grasp, waving a spell from my fingers to hold him in place as I push him onto my bed. I crawl, like an animal in heat, until my open legs straddle him.

"Well now, that would just be unladylike of me, your highness." I undo my pants, slipping my hand inside as he watches. "Eight weeks of loneliness. You, The God of lies, thought I wasn't practicing? Silly man, you have no idea at all."

I stroke myself on top of him, watching him squirm underneath me. He strains, trying to move his hands to take me. My own sensations against my sensative bundle of nerves ease my power for a second and he gains control, pinning my hands behind me. I hear metal clicking.

The shackles.

"That wasn't so hard, was it?" I fall on my back and he grabs the legs, tearing the pants away. "Well, now I guess its time for the fun to begin." I arch my back, testing the strength of the shackles. I was surprised he didn't jump on me at once.

"I wasn't finished," I sigh.

"Don't worry, Dear. I'll finish for you but that won't be for another few hours." A few hours, I was certain he would completely ruin me one day. "Your challenges to me are all good fun but I think, as I have you in this state, I should punish you for your wickedness towards me."

"Loki, _my_ wickedness doesn't ev..." My throat goes silent. I try again with no answer from myself, not even a sigh or noise of breath as I exhale.

"Doesn't what, my pet? I'm sorry, you didn't finish." He had masked my voice so I couldn't speak. He climbs on top of me dragging his lips down my body purposely slowing. My neck, both breasts, sucking at my sensative skin. "You say my silvertongue no longer works on you but you forget it was my _copy_ the worked his mouth on you. You will not get to control the volume of your tongue or hear your pleasured screams, only the sound of my hunger for your delectible seed. You'll need luck to sate my Asgardian cravings tonight, my dear."

He dips his head lower. He starts at the top of my core, using less of his lips and more of the tongue, going lower until I feel him fully inside of me. The feel of his tongue surpasses that of his copy's as my hips move to him. He passes deep into my folds, taking a bit of my pleasure each time, dragging up to flick swifty over my clit. He pushes two finger in, pumping swiftly into my walls until I come a small while later.

He continues as my body screams in place of my voice. I suspect eight weeks of his hunger would be enough to drive him mad. I climb continuously as he laughs into me adding to the heat. "You bring shame to honey, my sweet, sweet girl." His starving lips take hold of my clit again sending me to insanity, tugging and pulling; I wish I had my voice so he could've heard me. His shoulders hunch as I twitch beneath him. My throat grows sore breathing.

If I had my voice, everyone in Asgard would know where Loki was. I knew him being a God meant he wouldn't tire easily and I would be here forever. I didn't have a problem with that. I shake, feeling myself, my body, clench to nothing but pure pleasure from another orgasm.

He stops, lifting his head. He wipes his jaw, licking his fingers, moaning to the familiar taste. I watch as he enjoys my wetness from his tips. "I believe that is enough of an appitizer. For now." I hear my voice again, weak from Loki. "Too bad for you, I got to hear each of your lovely screams. You sound most beautiful when you let go."

The dress slacks are gone now and his person stands proud and controlled by his hand. I grit my teeth at the fact that I can't touch him but still I pull at the shackles, ready to rip him apart. The length of him enters me easily. One moment, I'm on my back, the next I'm on top him with his length holding me in place.

"I can see the hunger in your eyes, my dark whore. I want to feel you sated by me. Take from me and use what you can, before I change my mind." I lift as he holds me in place. "Come down upon me slowly, I want to enjoy the show." I do as ordered, feeling the width of him stretch my walls. He tries not to move, having a tight grip on my thighs. I work myself onto him again and again, taking him. He undoes my shackles, leaving me to fall against his chest. I brace my palms on his stomach and his chest for aid, nothing helps. My mortal shell has been spent as I feel a need to fight my fatige for my pleasure. He grins shifting up a few times to help.

"Loki, I can't..."

"I know, I only wanted to watch you but perhaps another time when you have the energy." He changes places above me, holding me to his hips. "Let me take care of you, Tasya." In all his tenderness, I want to tell him to fuck me and use me up but my voice is all but gone. He notices as he kisses my throat, taking the skin into his mouth. My neck is warm as I breathe easier and my throat soothes itself when Loki lets go. I sigh.

"Thank you, my prince."

He pulls away once to fully seathe into me, making me moan. "Don't thank me just yet. Now its my turn." He begins, still holding my hips in place. He keeps a controlled speed, wanting to hear my screams. I'm sensitive to him, arching close. My insides burn with the friction of his pleasure. His face falls to his favorite part of my neck, taking it for himself. My head clouds with colors of releasing orgasms. Weaker and hungry are my cries. His pale skin beads with sweat, my nail marks leaving him red and swollen.

I felt the burning between my legs cool as he thrusts faster. His own moans grow louder over mine. His skin chills from the sweat. He was growing cold, this wasn't right. In the light, I see him turning blue. So cold. My walls shake to his chill. I had to be imagining this. He sees the look of my eyes on his skin. What was happening? His whole body was blue covered in dark marks everywhere. I look into his eyes as they turn from green to crimson. He stops in fear, looking down at me. The chill of his length is shocking, reducing me to whimpers as my head hits my pillows.

"Forgive me for the cold, you must be freezing. I have never entered a female in this form. It is too divine. Let me finish and I shall repay you for your fortitude."

I'm frozen in place, looking at his true appearance. I'd never seen anything like this. I reach up touching his face. My fingers trace his lips, softer to the touch. I lift myself up, fear gone, embracing the barren peaks of his lips with mine. His hand on my hip, my back, lips tracing down my neck, making me rattle. The cold winter of his breath numbs the skin of my breasts, my peaks freezing in his mouth. My voice, my body shaking underneath him makes him stop as he releases my breast. He panics pulling away, leaving me on the bed. "You're burning too much, lover. I'm sorry."

He barricades himself in the washroom, in silence. I hear his screams as objects crash against the walls but there wasn't really that much to throw. He said he was a God so what was he hiding from me? I stagger to my robe, covering myself. I feel almost no sensation in my body, my thighs are numbing as I ease into the vanity chair. I feel my core, not for the pleasure but to feel the chill of him. My flesh is cool, taking it's time to warm up. I use a spell to lace my ear, listening to the echoes. Water runs down the drain and beyond that, I hear gasping sobs; he talks aloud to himself but nothing is coherent through the walls.

I take the necklace of my wrist, listening to the stone, waiting for it to pull me to him. I see him naked on the floor in the corner. His blue flesh swirls to his original paleness then back again to blue. He's unable to hide the tears in his eyes, seeing my illusion standing before him. I say nothing, kneeling to his side. My own tears fall from the vanity.

I look into his thoughts for the first time. He was lonely as I was, in the shadows of his brother and barely seen by his father. Only taking comfort in something alike in many ways. I wish I knew how to heal him. My hand caresses his face with my touch, returning him to the way he was as the sea of blue washes away. Underneath the princely allure is my Loki. He is not a God, not even human like me, but he would have been something close.

"I love you, Tasya."

I pull the gem away.

Love.

There were many things I felt for Loki, was love buried somewhere I didn't know? I didn't understand why he loved me. I rest my head on the vanity, letting his voice ring hauntingly in my ears. He says nothing, coming out, spraying himself over my sheets nearly forgetting I was there. The lines of his skin are lovely. I wasn't an artist or painter. His body would do no justice being drawn by my hands. My pen finds an empty page of the journal, waiting for the words to appear. Instead a large blot forms on the paper. The ink swells to reach for the edges, mimicing how Loki appeared. This was not done by my hand. The real thing calls from the bed.

"Come here, my love." I join him without the robe, resting under the sheets. His eyes are red only from the tears. "Do you wish to know?"

"Only if you want me to."

I hold his head close. His skin is warm again, reminding me how much I was haunted by his cold and his confession of love to me.

 


	5. Tears in Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tears in Heaven  
> -Eric Clapton
> 
> *The first part has always been a recurring nightmare for me for as long as I can remember.

My eyes shoot open. The walls of my room buzz with purple morning light as it starts to shine from the balcony. Loki is fast asleep, holding me tight. A sharp pain engulfs my stomach as my mouth drops open with a groan of pain. Loki wakes at my cry. My body moves away from the bed. He springs to me as I land on the floor.

"Pet, look at me. You need to tell me what is wrong."

The pain moves lower, pulsing every nerve under my skin. My naked body sits ontop Frigga's gown. I wanted to tell him but I didn't know what it was.

"I don't know, God..."

There was so much pain, I can barely speak. A look of horror races Loki's face as he looks down to the floor.

Blood, so much blood covers the dress and the floor. He dresses himself quickly, covering me with my robe and a bedsheet. My mouth opens with my crying screams filling the room. Loki yells out the door for help as he rushes back to me.

This had to be all but a dream, a fucked up nightmare. I scramble away from the mess, remembering the feeling in my body. The feeling of shock. Tears stream from me as Loki lifts me from the floor, as we rush past the guards, not waiting for their help. I look over his shoulder as the guards see the trail of blood I left behind.

There are no more sounds, of feeling, of touch, my sight unfocuses. I wait to slip away in his arms but I am wide awake for everything. I don't notice where we are. Loki disappears and women surround me. I'm given something clear, only to retch it up.

"Loki."

There was no answer from him. I'm given more medicine for the pain. I push away who I can to find Loki but I am held down and restrained to something. I lay exposed under a blinding light, pierced by fear, feeling the thick blood between my legs.

This was my reality, my wake-up call as I give in to a dark sleep with the Soul Forge shining brightly above me.

 

~

 

"I didn't know. I swear I didn't know. Why... How could this happen?" Loki.

I hear Frigga too.

"You kept your promise so far, Loki. You've taken the greatest care of her. These things happen and you need to be strong for her. When she comes to heal, you need to talk with her, if you truely love her."

Love. Silence.

My eyelids open to a soft light. There are softer voices in the hall. My throat is dry like a desert and my head burns something wild. Odin sits in a chair at my side. He brings a cold cloth to my head.

"Rest my child, you are still weak. Everything will be alright." The All-father cools the temperature of my brow. My tears mix with the water from the cloth. All I can feel is shame.

"I didn't know..."

"Rest for now, Tasya. He is not far." He holds my limp hand, like the warmth of a father I don't remember.

Warmth.

Silence.

Hogun. Faintly...

"I just thought you should know the truth because I know she would not tell you."

"You would know well to hold your tongue, Hogun. In light of recent events."

"I would never get in the way of you both."

"Then stop talking and leave it alone."

My vision is cloudy as Odin rises from his chair.

"I only want to see her, to see if she's alright."

"She is in the hands of our finest healers. You have no more business here, so I suggest you leave. Now."

"No, Loki!" I hear a loud grunt and hurried foot steps, "Not until I see her! You do not own her." I see Odin step into the hall and the footsteps stop.

"Are you aware that this is a place of healing? The both of you fighting like little boys over a piece of candy. If you two feel like handling this like men then I suggest you take it elsewhere such as the training grounds or have you both forgotten who is in that room?"

Silence. Odin walks away as they both huff their breaths.

A small, clean room. Dull white lights glow like storm clouds. I have a dress the color of the walls. On a table lined with medicines is a silver box. I sit up, swinging my legs off the bed as it calls to me. They are a bit stronger as my body has been resting for the day but I'm not sure how long I've been asleep. I touch the box, feeling the bad aura of the sides. My mind looks in, seeing Frigga's dress stained with dry blood. Wrapped in the middle is a dead puddle of something I've always feared. I pull the box close crying, wanting to be alone with my feelings to devour me.

A woman enters the room, staring at me. She searches the room frantically, looking for something. I follow her out of curiousity, stopping in the hallway.

"She is gone, she's not in her bed!"

More women rush past me as I rest against the large door. Hogun moves from the wall in worry at her voice. I never learned how to cloak myself, it was what I wanted so its what I got. I walk alone, unseen from the eyes of many, even Loki ordering a secret search for me. My warm arms cover the cold box completely. I wanted to be in his arms, to take away some of my pain but I wasn't ready to face him yet. My feet carry me away and I didn't care where I was going.

I weep in the garden as it wreaks of beauty. Nectar falls from the petals. Colors bleed in the late afternoon sky. This wasn't the right place, it was too beautiful and I didn't want them hearing that their mother was a simple whore. I pick many different flowers to take with us.

Out of the garden, into town, past the outer gates to the city. Unnoticed by the town people and the many, many guards searching for me. I follow the walls to the clear shore water and down the shore until the sun starts to set. The palace towers are no longer in my sight. I stare to a group of towering trees down a hill into a small valley. The setting sun shines in waves over the top of the cluster like a beacon. The blue leaves and wooden branches twine like a blanket covered with wild blossoms.

This was the place.

I slid down the hillslide, stopping at the trees as I stare up, marveling at the hard bark. My fingers dig into the earth, clawing the dirt loose in front of the roots. When the hole is deep enough, I kiss the top of the box with turning it lilac, carefully placing it in the ground and covering it back up. I coat the top with the flowers I picked, my magic turning them to colorful stone in the bright moon light. Artilous swoops down, sitting at the edge of the grave.

"Go back, Artilous. Shoo."

He turns his head to the side, softly chirping like he wanted to stay. When I finish, I wash my hands with the lake water. I watch the grave, letting my mind settle. Should I tell Loki? What happened had happened and _everyone_ knew. I wasn't sure how to face them all again. To see the look in their eyes as they judge the whore that miscarried the bastard child of the youngest Prince of Asgard.

I could stay here. I lay on the grass next to my dead unborn child, replaying the events of my Earth and Asgardian life, waiting to die. I'm sorry, my angel. This was my fault, I was living for the first time and that was the cost of your life.

"I'm so sorry."

Artilous ruffles his feathers and rests at my feet as I close my eyes. A breeze cools my skin as the ground beneath me becomes soft. I hear him chirp as he waddles forward. I feel Artilous' feathers brush my head.

At the back of my mind, I hear the voice of a man. It's soft and feels familiar.

" _Everything will be alright, my child. I promise you._ "

~

Lightening filled the sky, coming down, scorching the ground in white fires. He found us trapped in the warehouse. The electricity surged through the rafters threatening to strike us. Kathy and Elijah were to far away to reach us in time. Shahara pulled me away to the door.

"Stay here," she orders unafraid. She steadies me into the doorway. Tears start to run down my face as I look into her eyes. "Look, I'm going to go and come back..."

"No one ever comes back! Why don't you watch movies?" She smiles taking my face into her hands. The lightening reflects off of her jet black hair, whipping around from Jericho's wrath.

"When I come back, I'm going to hold your hand. I'm going on that date with you like you always wanted. We'll even visit my parents and see the flesh melt off their faces when they see us together. I promise..."

"...you Amelia, just stay here.

I knew she was lying. Her fingers run through my hair. She leans in kissing me. Tears fall to the ground feeling powers lull me away. I focused on her face; she was saving us all, ready to contain Jericho with the price of her own life and she knew I was going to try and stop her. I grow tired in the doorway as she removes her prized amulet, placing it around my neck. She was the sandman giving me rest from the storm. Shahara was saying goodbye, smiling the whole time making sure I remembered her as such. The sand from her tan lips washes over my eyes sealing them shut."

I break the seal of my own eyes seeing Loki sitting by the side of his bed. My journal is open in his hands as he reads my words aloud.

"I still hear her cries to Jericho, waiting for her in the sky. Her voice rings in the sand and sawdust on the floor. I feel her lay me safely on the ground. She is too strong to let tears shed. The beach hums as she becomes the sand. I wake as Elijah finds me.

I hear her voice one last time.

Don't be afraid,..." I take his hand as I finish the words.

"I will never leave you," I whisper.

He looks to me surprised, closing the journal. He sits on the bed, pulling me into his arms. I hold onto him tightly, knowing he wants to mourn. I move myself over so he had room to rest.

"Look at me. Loki, look at me." His eyes line with tears ready to fall. "What's happened happened and there's nothing we can do about it. I've already shed my tears. I understand if you want to shed yours but we move on from here out. Okay? We can't linger on this or it'll eat us alive."

He is only quiet, staring at my smile.

"I wish I was as strong as you."

"I'm just human." I kiss the top of his head, smiling on. "How long were you following me?"

One side of his mouth lights up.

"I can see through the magic of others. Artilous helped as well when I lost you in town. You choose a nice place. That's all I'll say. I had to bring you back, you were a bit weak."

"Thank you, my prince. Are you going to be okay? Because I can't imagine causing mischief by myself." He laughs through his tears, wiping them away.

"I love you."

"I already know."

After a while, he falls asleep in the dark. I retire to my washroom, taking refuge in the scolding water. Of all the things that happened after the dust had settled, Loki loved me and it terrified me to my core. I wipe myself dry and stare around my room. It seems like nothing had happened. The sheets were arranged and the floor was spotless. I feel the fear and my screams coming off of the walls. I can't stay here tonight.

I keep my eyes away from the guards on post as I wonder back to Loki's room. I hear him in his own washroom as I watch him quietly in the water. At peace.

His eyes wonder to me knowing I'm there. I only take off my robe and sit in the water next to him. I rest my head on his shoulder as he holds me. No words pass our lips. I listen to his heart beating as he strokes the hair away from my face. I know he wanted to say it so badly.

This was love.

Why didn't I feel it like he did?

What was the matter with me?

 


	6. Our deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our deal  
> -Best Coast

Nothing haunts me in my dreams and I had stopped crying. He keeps me taken care of, staying close, and keeping me company in his sheets. Mostly I think it's to keep me hidden from Hogun. So much from keeping it from Loki, I was scared it would only make him more jealous than he already was. After three days of bed rest, I wonder when he'll want me again.

"I think you're afraid to touch me. I'm human, not glass." He stays on his back as he finally looks me in the eyes.

"I want to give you time, pet."

"I say time's up." I drag myself to him, making sure he feels every inch of me as I open my robe. He takes my lips without arguing, his cravings still hunger for me. "Besides, how would you follow that appitizer? Hmm? You must still be so hungry..." I turn on my back, arching myself before him. He buries his arm under me, lifting me above the sheets. He takes my chest into his mouth. His hand is hesitant to touch my core. I start for him feeling myself, moaning to my own touch. "You seem to be missing out, Trickster." I take his hand, pushing his fingers to me until he chuckles, accepting my challenge.

"I'm always hungry for you," he says as his fingers slide in, stroking my walls. His tounge latches to my skin and his fingers glide intensively in my folds, leaving a building arousal. He takes his hand away, penetrates me hard. He stops as I moan, dragging me on top of him. Without a word, I take over letting him recline into the sheets. His eyes try not to be sad but he lets it show. I ignore it, closing my eyes remembering his mischievous glances from the first night I saw him. I dig into his shoudlers as he pushes up into me. He doesn't feel as giving in his thrusts so I take what I can from his length. I climb on my own, wanting him to get cold again but he stays the same. He stops altogether letting me get what I need from him.

When I tire unsated, not even wanting to climax if he didn't, I lay next to him, wondering what he's thinking about. I promised myself I'd never go into his head again. Instead, I dress quickly and leave, wondering into the quietness of the halls filling with morning light. He thought I would need time but really he was the one that need it more.

I retire to an open balcony in the library, shutting the curtains. I seal the door shut and listen to the roaring wind of the sea roll from the rainbow bridge and the Bifrost. I feel the gem glow as I close my eyes, feeling serenity in the sounds and warmth of Asgard. If only Loki were here to feel this. I know he was watching me let go. The hours roll by us the sun tans my skin. The sun starts to set, I felt it was time to go back to him.

_I wish I was as strong as you._

He wasn't strong because he didn't know what real pain felt like. Jealousy and loneliness but not the pain of life. I had agreed to be his, there when ever he needed me. I decided to be there not just sexually, but as a companion, a balm, a friend. Now was one of those times. I listen to the gem, letting it lead me to his door. I knock once.

"Loki?"

No answer. I think about turning the handle when he answers the door. He is in his formal clothes, ready for supper.

"Hello."

"Hey, I didn't know if you were sleeping or if I was bothering you."

"Not at all. Bother me if you can." A genuine grin crosses his face.

"Are you eating?"

"Yes, I'll be a moment." I walk a few steps down the hall, hearing him catch up. We are both silent as we walk. I'm not sure what to say to him. I feel impulsive but I think of a less bold move. I wipe my sweaty palm on my dress and reach for his hand as mine fits into his. This goes unnoticed for a moment until he moves it away. Almost thinking he rejects it, he intertwines his fingers with mine. A small chortle escapes him when we reach the dining hall. He takes me into his arms and holds me without a kiss or an ounce of selfishness.

"What are you doing to me?" he whispers into my hair.

"Taking you to dinner then wherever you want after that."

He pulls away, leading us beaming into the dining hall. We both converse with everyone at the table. No one asks about what happened. Odin and Frigga look at me and Loki with warm glances. After dinner, we slowly roam the halls, hand in hand. I feel something thunder me on the inside. Something strange and terrifying.

I grab his sleeve without thinking. My hands climbing their way to him until we stop from my embrace. I kiss him, keeping my hold on him.

He says nothing, almost happily, taking me by the hand down the hall. We walk past both of our rooms. I do my best to keep up with his strides.

"Where are we going?" He picks me up throwing me over his shoulder like I was paper. I laugh trying to stay balanced as he starts to run. He stops in a new hall. The doors are wooden black. "Where are we? Is it someplace we're not suppose to be? Are we going get in trouble? Loki, I can't see!"

He smacks my backside, putting me down, pushing the doors open. There are no windows or candles from the amount of darkness that filled the room. I hold my hands out, walking in without him. I feel the walls, pushing myself away, waiting to hit something. A giggle from the darkness makes me jump, scaring me out of the room. Loki waits against the door laughing. For the first time in days, we both show feeling. Amusement from him and me scared to death.

"What was that?"

"A present for you."

"On Earth, someone giggling in the dark room means they're waiting to kill you with a butcher's knife." He disappears into the darkness of the room.

"If you keep me waiting, I'll take your surprise for myself and make you watch." Why did that sound familiar? I follow him as the doors close. I try listening, unable to take a step forward.

"I promise to act surprised if you let me see."

Light fills the room showing Loki standing in the middle of the room next to a statue covered in a sheet. He watches as I take it off. Instead of a statue, I see the girl who helped me dress for the Queen's birthday.

"What's all this?"

"That night. You said you'd take partner and make me watch as punishment. Do you like her, darling? Would you enjoy touching such a pretty girl? Then go on, you may kiss and taste her. She is a gift from your prince."

"You're saying you're okay with this?" He retires to a chair, sitting near us, waiting for us. I turn to her meeting her gaze. "What's your name?"

"Nola, my lady." She grins as I start to circle her.

"Nola's a pretty name. Are you okay with something like this?"

"Yes. I find I enjoy the company of men and women. I also find you very mezmerizing, my lady."

"Really?" Her golden hair falls over her shoulder. I lift her chin, watching her smile. The last time I was with female in a nature like this was back in school on Earth. I brush my lips on her neck, ignoring Loki's presence. This was really happening. "Have you ever been with a woman before, Nola?"

"No, but there is always a first time for anything."

"Very true," says Loki behind us.

Nola pulls my face to hers, feeling the fullness of her lips to my own. He said he was okay with this so I may so well enjoy this. My face stays on hers as she leads me to a bed near the wall. She lays on the bed next to me, undoing her dress, letting it fall from her body. Her curves titilate me as she moves. The skin of her breasts are smooth under my fingertips as I bite my lip, wondering where to start. Her nipples are soft when I take them in my mouth. Her moans are soft and sudden as I touch her open legs welcomed with her wetness. She felt different than I did.

"Lay back," I whisper.

She leans back on her elbows as I sit straddled on top of her. Nola pulls down my dress, letting the top sit at my waist. Her lips kiss my neck traveling to my chest, making my heart race. I eye Loki in his chair as Nola works her fingers into my core. He tenses up, almost restraining himself to the chair. His focus stays on us as his chest slowly heaves.

"Don't hurt yourself, my sweet. Touch yourself if it helps."

Accepting my words, he undoes the front of his pants, removing most of his armor. I leave him to his chair as I move down Nola. Taking my hint, she opens her legs to me. The smell of her was intoxicating. I run my tounge on her skin, sampling her, tasting the Asgardian spring fruit through her undergarments. I rub my fingers on her cloth pushing it deeper, until they are clenched by her folds. I open her a little, teasing her core with the cloth. I enjoy the sound of her voice whining to my touches.

"More, Gods, more," gasps Nola.

Loki stays in his chair as he grips his cock, satisfying himself as he glares on with frustration. I give my full attention to Nola, kissing and sucking at her skin until I feels she is ready. When her cloth is drenched enough, her undergarment is pulled to the side. I take pride in what I've done to her with her ready womanhood, so wet for me.

I sigh at the taste of her, a flavor I've missed for so long. She is sweet against my tounge. My own wets as I thrust my tounge into her. I rub myself as her voice grows louder. My mouth began to tire for a moment. Loki kneels fully naked to my back. He eases two fingers into Nola, making her arch her back off the bed. His other hand palms my core softly as I brace Nola's legs. My senses are stunned with desire from the feel of them both.

"You seem but rusty, darling," he growls into my ear, "I'll show you how to properly satisfy a woman with hunger such as mine. Just follow my silvertongue and I will sate you as a reward." He lays on the floor, lifting his head between my legs. He pulls the dress away to look up to me. "If you miss a single stroke, believe me I'll know, I'll finish Nola by myself as her pleasured screams rattle your lovely quim."

He starts on me. I do my best to mimic his motions against Nola's core, making her writhe. My legs quiver for Loki as she does for me. I try not to think of Loki finishing her as she was a present to me. Gentle tugs make her beg for more. I mewl, feeling small, satisfying releases. The room fills with our pleasured voices. Nola comes against my mouth, her nectar coating my lips. Loki stops, pulling himself up.　

"Nola, leave us please. We will finish this another night." Nola bows her head as she leaves a kiss on my lips before she dresses and leaves without a word. He lifts me onto the bed as he pulls me to the edge to remove my dress. "I had no idea what it meant of how women could quench ones thirst until I slipped my tongue between your slippery folds." He lingers over me, holding down my wrists when I try to touch him. "Now, now. It's my turn. What would be an acceptable punishment for teasing your prince in such a way." He uses the tips of his fingers and his tongue to torture me. I've never wanted him so badly.　

"Restrain me so that I can't stop a slow torture I know you can give." He smiles summoning a green scarf, tying my wrists quickly to the headboard. He sits between my open legs, laughing. His fingers pinch the skin on my breast as his lips slowly take the other.　

"I'm going to make you regret and cherish those words _deeply_ , my dear."

 


	7. Say something...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Say something  
> -A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

My fingers trail over the cresent teeth marks on my shoulder. They run through his black hair as he sleeps soundly. My body is sore and still aches for him. The excitment keeps me awake as I leave him in his chambers. I redress quickly in my room in the tunic and pants. My small necklace hung heavy as I unchain it, placing it on the bed. I toss my journal into the black bag and make my way to the balcony in the library.

Over the hours, I write about everything. Loki's attempt to prove I was good enough for Asgard. His shame of his true form. Our child's death. I'm sure she would have been born a girl. My eyes close only to rest for a moment. Before I know it, I wake watching the evening sun as it lowers over Asgard. I was happy, here. Sitting alone, watching the sunset on my own. I gather my things, walking back to Loki. I rub my neck out of habit and feel that the necklace is not there. I go back to the room, finding the necklace on the bed where I left it. The gem is clouded in the middle which is something I've never seen it do.

I look, seeing Loki. I close my eyes and feel my illusion in the throne room where the walls vibrate with voices. I go through all the way, hearing Odin and Loki arguing.

"I wouldn't want anything else."

"You'd even give up the throne for her? Things are happening too quickly. Now isn't the time."

I round the pillar, seeing them.

"You let me have responsibility for her, how am I not allowed you blessing?"

"You are not seeing the consequences of you intentions. All starting when you were quick to bed her, treating her like your personal whore."

"What if we try for another child? You seemed tragic from the miscarrige of my first. I thought you'd be pleased at the thought of a grandchild."

"It didn't survive because she is weak. Have you not seen the signs that she isn't human?!"

What?

"How can you say that?"

"Your mother knew when she taught her magic without my permission. Midgardians aren't evolved enough to know the arts of sorcery. You begged for me take her out of the dungeons, have her trained for battle, and now a place at your side. Tasya is an exception woman but you are distracting each other. She is scared and you have taken no care to ask what she wants. You could learn something from her, knowing the worth in only having what you need. She asks for nothing because she knows her place."

Loki stands up straight.

"Then why can't it be at my side?"

I step forward, making sure I'm seen.

"Because you don't know anything about the foundations of marriage. Fornication doesn't count. All you do is shower me with material things I don't need."

"This conversation doesn't include you, child," says Odin.

"Because I'm apparently not human? Most of this is about me anyway. When were you going to tell me? About any of this?" They both stand silent. I turn to Loki. "I'm not really here by the way, I'm in my room. If you want to talk or just fuck like we always do."

"Now isn't the time, dear." Loki tries to take my hand but I step back.

"No, I think now is the perfect time. I'm surprised there's not a stain on my pant leg. You want to marry me but you still don't know anything about me. I wasn't a good person before I came here, Loki. Try to think, how much of my past have I told you? I've been waiting for you to sit with me and talk."

"You agreed..."

"I agreed to stay in the dungeons, in the place of that digusting thug. I never asked you to take me out or to save me! What was going through your head that night besides keeping me on my back?"

"You were there because your male cast you out to fend for yourself! You know, if you keep feeling like you're unworthy, you may as well be worthless to me."

"Wow!" I find my voice trailing off as I take in a breath. Odin sighs at Loki's words. I bite my lips as he realizes what he said.

"No, that wasn't what I meant."

"Yes, it was. There's your reason, I'm not worthy enough to marry you or birth a proper for you, just like daddy said. Well, I'm done being the prince's personal whore."

"Tas.."

"No, fuck you," I dangle the necklace in front of him, "You should've left me in the dungeon." My illusion disappears as I fling the necklace across the room. I wrap a jacket around my arms as my anger carries me out of the palace and into the town below. I only stop to catch my breath. I look around trying to remember the way back. I lean against the wall of a tavern trying to hide my tears. I climb the side of the shed, pulling myself to the roof. I sit on the edge looking over at the cliffs below.

I felt betrayed by people I thought had accepted me. Odin knew I wasn't ready for what Loki had wanted for me. Frigga was hiding secrets from me. Loki was willing to marry me without knowing what he was getting into. I was too hurt to find counsel in any of the other warriors. They probably would've stabbed me in the back as well, and like that, I was alone again.

I take comfort in counting the stars to ease my anger as Artilous flies over head. I lose count after the first thousand. Here, there were more stars that filled up the void of space. I hear Loki sit on the bricks next to me as I lose count again.

"You were found right over there, you know," he says pointing to the alley below.

"Look, it's nothing personal but I'm just not the marrying kind. I'm the kind that can give you what you need, but I'll never really make you happy. You'll get tired of me eventually before you find someone else. I don't expect you to understand." He holds my hand tightly.

"Then tell me what's on your mind."

"I just did." I move away from him still filled with anger. "Either way I'm really in no mood to talk to you."

"You can't keep running from me forever. You will always make me happy."

"Why?"

"Tasya, I don't believe in fate or coinidences but you fell here for a reason. Can't you see that I love you?" I can hear the pleading in his voice. My heart felt like it was ready to creak into pieces.

"What you're feeling isn't love. It's infatution, puppy love. Fucking me every day isn't going to sate us being married. It's all so much deeper than that." My throat felt like it was going to close.

"You said you'd take me anywhere, so why not at the alter? Don't you love me at all? Why can't you just say it?!"

"Loki, I'm still yours, that should be enough."

"Why are you making this hard? We can wed in secret, on Midgard. We don't need his blessing!"

"I don't want to marry you!" My chest heaves as Loki stands in the wind. He reaches into his pocket. I cover my eyes and feel my knees go weak. I listen as the wind disappears. My bottom hits the floor as my tears leak through my lashes. "I promise you, I'll do it one day. Just not right now, okay?" I open my eyes. The rooftop is gone as I'm back in the condemned building back on earth. No! How did this happen?

"Loki?" Silence. "Loki?! Answer me, dammit!" There was no answer.

My tears flooded from my burning eyes as the stench of the wood makes me sick. Moonlight seeped through the roof as I looked around. I walk past the stairs. I look up to the second floor where I fell with the thug. The wood is gone but I see my bag caught in the chandler, shielded from the elements. I lean off the side, cutting wires with the Luna blade from my boot. The bag tumbles to the floor.

I sling it over my shoulders, knowing I couldn't go back. I broke Loki's heart and he wouldn't be coming for me. For once, he would listen to me. He would find someone worthy of him.

My feet follow each other as I walk, remembering the streets as I had left them. The morning light washes over the empty street as I look up to what was once home. I climb the stairs of the building I use to live. I knock on the clipped wood of the door, the third to the left at the end of the hall, hoping he would still be there. The door swings open.

"It's fucking early!" He stops at the threshold, only wearing boxers. His jaw drops as he reaches out to me to see if I'm real.

"Hello, Earl."

"Holy shit, Tasy." He grabs my shoulders angry, shaking me in the hallway. "Where the fuck were you?"

"You threw me out! I was..." I couldn't tell him about Asgard or how I got there. I didn't know. "I've just been between places." It wasn't really lying. He wraps his arms around me tight. All the harsh words and tight grips were gone and I wasn't ready for a changed Earl. "Where is she? Get tired after a few weeks?"

"She left after the fifth month because I was caught up in looking for you." Five months?

"What are you talking about?"

"It's almost been a year and I've never stopped thinking about you. I swear."

A year? I rush inside the apartment, clean for once. I turn on the news to read the date at the bottom of the screen.

_April 16 2013_

Thirteen months. My bag hits the floor as I stand up the steady myself.

"I guess I lost track of time. I'm sorry." Earl grips my hips from behind, almost tenderly, pulling me close to him. He holds me close to rest his head on my shoulder. One hand is quick to reach into the tunic to grab me while the other roughly rubs me inside my pants. Slowly I feel the old Earl crawling on my skin. I shouldn't have stepped inside but now it was too late.

"What was his name?"

"He's no one now." I was no one. I know he sees the scratches on my skin.

"So, how sorry are you?" This was my punishment, my Hell. He grips my hair, bending me over the kitchen table. I feel a sudden draft as he pulls down the back of my pants. "God, I've missed you so much."

It hurts as he fingers me to get me wet. I think of Loki in his place and instantly I hear Earl moan out of satisfaction of my sudden wetness. I feel him hard against the back of my leg.

The only thing I can think about is Loki.

He claims me again on the cheap wood kitchen table, the same place, in the same way he had done many times before against my will. This time I accept every push, every hair pull and haunting tongue lashing without fighting.

"Welcome back." I sob silently as he finishes, leaving me in the kitchen. The empty chair across the table rattles for a moment as a train starts to roll by. I wanted to say it was him trying to reach for me.

The bedroom door slams shut as I slowly fix my clothes and brace the wall.

_Welcome to Hell, you stupid cunt._

 


End file.
